


Pampered Pauper, Pitied Prince

by Valledorthedragon



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: A Prom burrito, Cute, Domestic, I wanted this fic to be mischievous but it said no, M/M, Noctis having a Fond, Prompto and Noct, Prompto cannot handle it, Promrito?, backstory capers, burriprom?, freaking Ignis, good boyfriends, no wait this isn't how this is supposed to go, soft, soft bois, teasing bois, the soft bois took over, when trying to get revenge doesn't work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valledorthedragon/pseuds/Valledorthedragon
Summary: One does not simply defile Cocobo the Chocobo- he is the best cocoa mug to ever exist.Noct had better watch out, Prompto's feeling petty.Prompto had better watch out, Noct's feeling soft.In which a classical tale of petty revenge gets derailed by soft bois being soft, Noctis having a Fond and Prompto cannot handle it.
Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Pampered Pauper, Pitied Prince

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Choke-a-Bro (Vanya_Deyja)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanya_Deyja/gifts).



> This was supposed to be a mischievous fic... oh well, enjoy the soft bois^^

"Yeah- sorry Iggy, don't think I'm gonna be able to come to this meeting thing." He winced, voice drawn and tense as he lowered himself all the way down into the far-too-low, barely cushioned seat of his couch. He swore it’d shrunk since he last used it, or perhaps it was because he was going off pure arm strength. The effort left him huffing and puffing... perfect. That was exactly what he was going for. His leg might be a motionless deadweight, but right now it was also his personal, brace-decorated ticket out of the most criminally boring event of the year. It might not be fun to have to hobble to get anywhere, but he could definitely get used to life with a temporary zombie shuffle if it got him out of stuff like this. 

He shifted his boot a little, trying to get comfy and- ooh, ouch... okay... The wince that followed was real even if his claimed suffering wasn’t. Well, he could’ve done without the stab of pain, but at least he could make the most of it. "Can hardly tweak my toes." He whined.  
"...Mmm." The receiver considered, somehow managing to convey all of Ignis’ super perceptive scrutiny and doubt through a muffled, cheap phone speaker. Shoot- if he’d read the advisor right (and he was pretty sure that he had), he was about ninety percent doubting, and only ten percent considering right now! He desperately needed something to tip the scales in his favour. 

A deep sigh only lending more credence to just how little the advisor was buying his act. The blond held his breath- he really wouldn't put it past Ignis to somehow magically sense the bull in his arguments from halfway across the city. Even knowing Prompto was in a boot and under rest orders from royalty right now, he knew the guy who gave the order wouldn't have even glanced at his foot before declaring bed rest.  
"Well, I'm sure I can make arrangements for a more accommodating journey if that would be more agreeable." The advisor suggested testingly, pausing to allow his words to sink in. He knew. He one hundred percent knew. How could he not after dealing with Noct's many slippery attempts at meeting escapes for the past however many years- and how did he think he could succeed where Noct’s decade of attempts had failed. "The citadel is quite known for its accessibility, I'm sure you're aware." He reminded him, way too knowingly. This was definitely Ignis’ way of calling him out on his rubbish. Oh crap- as if his wrapped up foot didn't already stink like the Archean's armpit; now he was definitely sweating in it. 

He was such an idiot. The entire freaking citadel was built around poor-functioning leg access. The king himself was probably way worse off than his dumb, little sprained ankle (it was only on rest orders because Noct). But the reality of the situation didn't matter. What mattered was selling both his ankle and himself to be way worse off than he actually was. He swallowed, deadly silent lest he be heard, and attempted to hold his ground through his fear, hoping Ignis wasn’t a bloodhound for smelling that too. 

Dammit, the ankle wasn't going to be nearly enough! He scrambled his brain for any other ideas. He just needed this one! Just one long pass from this stupid, pointless meeting. 

The quarterly annual assessment snore-fest, and review of all things Crownsguard was today, and he would’ve been fine if miserable attending- if it weren’t for the the fact that he’d long since been keeping up to date with all that rubbish on a day-to-day basis, thanks to long-and-often princely rant sessions. He even got bonus titbits from Gladio when the shield decided to offload into the middle distance every now and then. Absolutely none of that would fly with Ignis' strict anti-tardiness philosophy- heck, he’d probably get Noct to quit telling him all these things to try and "motivate" him into attending (he much preferred Noct's assessment of events to the dusty old military talk thank you very much). 

"Uhhh... I dunno if I'd even be able to get off the couch at this rate Ignis." He stalled, to the tune of Ignis' most unconvinced hum yet, as a desperation idea barrelled its way into his head like crazed beast. He sucked in, filled his nose with some of the stuffiest air he could muster and prepared to try and give some of the best acting of his life (the bar was not set encouragingly high). 

"Besides, its early signs, but I think I'm starting to catch some kind of groggy snot fest thing." He tried, slowly starting to incorporate the stuffy nose into his voice more and more- slowly as to not raise suspicion- dramatically crossing his fingers behind his back, even as he cringed at how obvious and juvenile this was. It might be a firm, strong classic in the ‘get out of work’ handbook, but it surely didn't even have a flying chance against the all-knowing.  
"Is that so..." Ignis responded, sounding more and more unimpressed, and even disappointed, by the minute. That stung a little, to hear that kind of tone from him, but he was too committed to try and back out now.  
"Yeah, I know how stupid it sounds, but I swear ACCHH-..." 

He instinctively slapped a hand over his face, nose scrunched into a ball at the explosive recoil... 

Holy Shiva's-... 

Did- did that actually just happen?! 

He knew his less than stellar heating sometimes caught his nose with a brisk tickle of chilly air every now and then, but it was like a once-a-month thing! Could that have been more perfectly timed?! It sounded suitably snotty, but he had no idea how Ignis felt about attendance with risk of disease spreading. 

He just sat there gaping in silence as he tried to figure out what, exactly, had just happened.  
"...Alright but expect you to be fully caught up by the end of the month- and don't expect any sympathy from me should you fail to do so." Ignis voice finally in, after a long, considerable, stunned silence (apparently very firmly of the opinion that bringing even a common cold into the place where all of the most critical and important people in Insomnia were working was a bad idea). 

Wait... 

WAIT. 

Had he actually just done it?! Had he seriously managed to pull one over on one of the greatest minds in Lucian history?! He didn’t care what anyone said, Ignis could probably outmanoeuvre the Draconian at chess, and he actually managed to beat him?! Thanks to a freak blessing of a miracle itchy nose?!!  
"Perhaps this ought to teach you against setting an accidental ice monster loose on the citadel." The older warned, tone turning scolding in that oh-so-familiar way that dared make Prompto hope he was in the clear. He chuckled shrilly- somewhat hysterical.  
"Yep- you got it. See you on the flip side Ignis." He recited, mindless- somehow managing to cover his sudden slip in character with his (thankfully) still sneeze-frazzled nose- and hanging up before the advisor could change his mind. 

Hoooooooly Shiva, hooooooooooooooooly Shiva's blessed—. This is the greatest moment of his life!!! 

He actually beat Ignis! He was going to savour this moment for the rest of his life!! Score one for the plebs... after about two gazillion on the rich people, but still (they had Ignis on their side, it wasn't fair- the advisorhad assured it was simply the product of a proficiency in psychology and lifelong tutoring, but that sounded very much like life hacks, and likely omitted superhuman serum, to him). 

He'd actually done it. 

Prompto treated himself to a long, deep victory sigh, leaning back into his couch... savouring his success in all its precious glory... 

...

The silence lasted all of about ten seconds, before he suddenly wondered what he was supposed to do with his day. The room just seemed so desolate... If Noct was here, perhaps he wouldn't feel so empty, but, without him... he was drawing a disturbing blank. He breathed out once more- this one distinctly more hollow and bored sounding- fingers tapping an absent-minded rhythm into the complete stillness of the empty apartment... 

Accidental ice monster. 

The memory was enough to make him smile. He snorted softly to himself at its pure absurdity. He and Noct had been playing around with ice magic- to make up for a (so far) disappointingly bland and snowless winter. A snowman had turned into a snow chocobo, which turned to a snow beast, which turned into more, which only got bigger and bigger as they competed to see how big they could go... and then, before they knew it, one of them suddenly decided it was so big it was going to gain sentience and go on a rampage through the city. 

He could still remember the distinct shade of panic that hit him when Noct had suggested herding towards the citadel: "unless you'd rather let it run through the city" the prince had yelled, dodging a giant icy tail- as if had any idea what the protocol was supposed to be for magical, giant, rampaging ice beast that just spawned into the middle of the capital (there was also, you know, glaives and stuff at the citadel- a fact Prompto wished he could pretend was part of the plan when they decided to barrel it straight into the heart of the place- which was... sadly not the case). Luckily for them, however, they hadn't needed to get it all the way to the citadel. 

Sometime enroute- right as they were passing Noct's apartment- the monster suddenly sprouted the hilt of a glowing hot kitchen knife out the top of its head, and melted away into nothingness. A text message a few minutes later confirming who they suspected had saved their hides... and they would not be thankful of their saviour for long. 

Turns out Ignis had somehow had the presence of mind to notice the commotion, look out the window of Noctis’ apartment, and (mid meal preparation), proceed to casually nail it between the eyes with the nearest knife (after setting it under a blowtorch for a brief amount of time)... and then return to his cooking without even batting an eye. Apparently, someone did know the protocol of ice magic gone awol: natural heat. Magical fire apparently had no effect in this case, for whatever godly reason (they'd figured that one out I’m the middle of a panic, and somehow, miraculously, didn’t set the whole neighbourhood alight). Something about a conflict of magics, and an immunity to all but natural energies when it reaches a hyperactive state (how and when had Prompto missed that lesson- it seems like the kind of thing he'd remember), and, of course, the one man who'd known about it happened to be Ignis... Freaking Ignis, man. He was overpowered. 

Still, he supposed he had best be thankful. The beast had knocked him down, and was about to sink its icy fangs into him, when Ignis’ red-hot cooking utensil came to the rescue. A little too late to save his ankle completely, but, honestly? It wasn't even any worse than that one time he managed to badly roll it on a mid-morning run. It hurt like hell, but it never really stopped him from doing stuff. He wasn't sure if that said more about the sturdiness of his ankles or his own stubbornness... oh well. Unimportant. Right now he was just taking to just chill... lie back... do absolutely nothing... and reeeeela-. 

A knock at the door jumped him out of his thoughts. What, or who, on Eos comes to his apartment for literally any reason ever when he wasn't expecting it? Was it some kind of door-to-door thing? Well, at least this time he had a reason to ignore it without feeling guilty, he supposed. 

...

He'd almost managed to relax again when an actual, honest to goodness, dagger flew right in through the letterbox- Prompto well on his merry way to a panic attack- when it suddenly materialised a grown ass human in the room, stumbling after it. 

"WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFF-! NOCT!?!!" 

He bellowed, somehow, by the skin of his teeth, avoiding a long, heavy curse. He watched as his fumbling apparitor/invader regained his balance, and casually cleared his throat... as if he hadn't just straight up teleported into his house. He was pretty sure this had to be illegal somewhere right? 'Thou dost not throw thy weapons into thy friend's humble abode'? That sounded suitably old and magic-y. Then again, he supposed, when you're literally the prince, you probably didn’t care about stuff like that too much (hard to take the law seriously when he was going to making the law someday, or whatever), but he could at least think about Prompto's poor heart! He seemed to be more concerned about the state of his hair after that less than outstanding warp than the fact he nearly gave him a genuine heart attack!!! 

"What the actual Six?! I'm gonna report you for, like... gross misconduct of magic- or something!" He shrieked. Oh damn, that sounded like a real thing- well done him- he mused, surprised by his own ability to conjure up realistic magical crimes’ labels.  
"Naa, come on- that's just for the glaives." The prince confirmed, with an unconcerned sniff- Prompto couldn't quite tell whether he was messing with him or not. "Plus, I'm still in training, so everything I do basically qualifies as an accident." He asserted. Prompto snorted, with a disbelieving smirk.  
"Yeah? So, you just 'accidentally' threw a dagger in here, with no intent to come after it? Not sure that makes it better, dude." He pointed out, already settling down from the weirdness of the situation. 

He swore that ice monster thing yesterday must have permanently ruined his capacity to deal with crazy things. A talking chocobo could fly in right now and he wouldn't even blink. If Noct could accidently his way into a magical ice beast, anything was possible. Spontaneous dagger, plus prince, in his living room? Sure- why not! Besides, as far as surprises go, he much preferred this to Frosty the Ice Giant. This was the kind of crazy he could get behind. 

It might've surprised him how quickly he relaxed into 'Noct-is-here!’ mode, but it was just that damn precious look he gave him, every time he laid eyes on him, that softened his defences every time. He hardly thought as reached out to pull him closer, the prince granting his silent request- approaching shyly, but happily, as he took his outstretched hand, and easily accepted it- allowing himself to be drawn into the strange sweetness of a half-standing/half-sitting hug. It was perfectly awkward- and perfectly them. 

It felt so good to have his not-sleeping-for-once beauty next to him once again. The world just seemed a little more right when he was around- and he was fully expecting Noct to be grounded to the next century after that last stunt they pulled (ice monster). He was bracing himself for the next few months to be all but entirely Noct-less: no ill-advised magical cheats, no questionably successful study sessions, no cosy, late night video game sessions... That Noct was even here right now was a complete surprise, as much as it was amazing. But was not going to question it. He was not... okay, maybe a little. 

"What are you even doing here? I thought Ignis would have you on house arrest ‘til the world ends- on pain of castration via kitchen knife." He asked. Noct grimacing painfully at that mental image, not least because Ignis was probably terrifying enough to pull it off.  
"Yeah, well, figured if I'm getting grounded, I might as well enjoy my last remaining day of freedom.” He shrugged. “I mean, what's the worst they could do? Really." He pointed out, with that effortlessly bent logic that Prompto absolutely adored jumping on board with.  
"Out with a bang, huh?" He grinned, shaking his head. "Ignis is gonna kill you." Noct snorted. Having grown up with the man since childhood- seeing him in both child diapers, and backwards wearing pants, that reminded him he was human just like the rest of them- he knew his brother-turned-babysitter would never actually lay so much as a single finger on him. But Prompto hadn't actually seen Ignis' 'human' moments yet, and was thus adamant in his assessment that Ignis was the greatest, most terrifying, superhuman mastermind in all of Eos- and it was probably the greatest thing ever. 

"Pretty sure that’s regicide- and probably fratricide. Gladio would have to do him in" He said, finally relieving his back from the sweet, but painful, lean-hug the two had been trapped in.  
"Gladio and Ignis... who do think wins that match up?" Prompto mused, as if Noctis hadn't seen it played out more than enough times to make it boring.  
"If it’s a straight up fight, Gladio- if they're allowed to play tactics, Ignis." He recited- and it wasn't even as close as he'd expect either way. The two of them had their specialisms after all- that was kind of the point of having both. "Now spin round, put your feet up, and flop back like spoiled cat." He instructed. Prompto blinking in confusion for a moment, before following his instructions unquestioningly- a slanted, lightly nervous smile the only show of his misgivings. His expression caught somewhere between concern, confusion and curiosity.  
"Usually your area of expertise." He noted in a casual tease, and Noctis didn't even bother to argue with that (the cat life was a pretty sweet deal- he couldn't pretend he didn’t want to indulge in the feline lifestyle every now and then- they had it great). Instead, he decided to answer his silent question of what, exactly, was going on, by pulling a minor buffet straight out of the armiger. He wasn't even sure everything was going to fit on the worktop, but he was going to do his best. 

Prompto's mouth nearly hit the floor as he leapt up out of his slouch- abandoning rest in order to gawp at the array of treats being laid out in the kitchen. It just kept coming! One after another- just how many stomachs did Noctis think he had?! There was enough there to feed a small garula- and it probably weighed about half as much... the perks of having magic, he supposed.  
"You’re really going full overboard, aren't you.” He noted in awe, as if casually disregarding the rules and regulations of magic usage wasn't practically a part of the prince’s daily life. He was seriously abusing the privilege of having his own, personal pocket dimension just to bring a small feast into his home. 

Someone really ought to teach him better- especially since this was the exact kind of thing that was going to result in another magic monster mishap- but Prompto was not that person. He never had been the voice of reason. He was a filthy, filthy, enabler. That might make him an accessory for crime, but, what could he say? He was weak for Noct. He'd follow his escapades all the way to the dungeons he was approximately ninety percent sure existed somewhere in the citadel. He was not complaining. Especially since this was quite possibly the greatest thing to ever happen to his kitchen.  
"Please tell me you brought the-" He cut himself off, freezing like a cat on catnip, eyes honed in on the newest box to enter Noct's hands, pupils blown wide open. "I love you."

Noct snickered fondly at the precious, bare faced honesty that came tumbling out of Prompto's mouth whenever he wasn't paying attention. He could tell the blond wasn't expecting it when his entire earlobes blushed bright red, but he didn't take it back. In his world of a hundred masks, etiquette and political, it was always such a rush of fresh air to see such pure, innocuous honesty. Whenever he was suffocating in deception and restrictions, Prompto was there to remind him to just breathe- and, like that, he became as simple and essential a part of his life as the air in his lungs. 

Of all the things to profess his love over... he couldn't help but smile.  
"You’re an easy person to buy." He taunted warmly, as he went rummaging through the drawers for various utensils. Oddly enough, this kitchen was a little more familiar to him than his own (though considering Ignis' permanent ban on him touching the cupboards, let alone his meticulously organised equipment, perhaps it wasn't that odd).  
"Hey, the heart wants what it wants." The blond reclined, contently falling back into their familiar teasing routine. Folding his hands behind his head in full, spoilt sprawl- as per royal request.  
"Hot-as-Ifrit's-sweaty-pits, sauce dipped daggerquil?" He queried, eyes stinging just imagining the smell that came off those flaming hot monstrosities. He heard the finger gun from halfway across the room.  
"Boo-yah." Prom crooned- just about the only person who could ever pull off such a phrase without sounding like a complete dork (since he was already so thoroughly dorky you just kind of expected it).

Damn Noct was smitten. 

Who'd have thought the phrase 'boo-yah' would be all it took to melt the mighty crown prince of Lucis into a soft, gooey mess- those irritatingly persistent girls at school had better take very confused notes. Then again, it wasn't as if they had the charms to pull it off. They just weren't Prompto enough. Sorry, not sorry, to all those girls, but he'd been snatched up by a brilliant blond a long time ago. 

It didn't take even a novice fisherman like him to know he'd fallen for Prompto's lure hook, line and sinker. He was eternally reeled in by him- cheesy quips and all. He didn't even really bother to fight it- and most bizarre part was that Prompto had absolutely no idea of just how captivating he was. He pulled him in like a shining star, drawing them into an orbit of two, and decided to call it luck. Even if it was no mere coincidence that brought the prince back to him day by day. 

Noct lived in a world of prophecies and oracles, after all- he'd seen first hand the strength of magic and gods- and none of it even came close to the power locked behind a simple slanted-toothed smile. There was almost nothing he would do to see it again- and again- and again... and again. 

If invoking the wrath of the citadel kitchen staff was what it took to make this best pre-grounded/apology/romantic day ever, then so be it. He was going to give Prompto the biggest, most excessive breakfast in couchbed ever. It was what he deserved... If only he could figure out the microwave... 

Prompto, meanwhile, was sinking into his cheap, shallow couch cushions like he was laying in one of the best, most luxurious baths the citadel had to offer. Noct just had this way of making things feel like that. Prompto could be laying on a bed made of spikes, but so long as Noct was there, it was golden. Just his presence was all he needed to make him feel blessed. He couldn't exactly speak to any gods, but he was pretty sure this right here, in his basic, barely functioned mess of an apartment, was exactly what divine felt like. Wherever Noct was, he was home- and this? This was all ever he needed. Just pack his favourite chocobo mug, and he could go anywhere, so long as his prince was with him- preferably leading the way, so that Prompto could appreciate the sweet, sweet, view. 

Watching Noct pottering about the kitchen, he didn't really care to keep his gaze from drifting every now and then. His eyes were half closed enough he could pretend he wasn't looking if he was ever caught- and it would truly be a tragedy not to truly admire current... circumstances. Butt, if he was being unfortunately honest with himself, he really ought to actually get off his own ass and lend a hand before he started acting like one. Leaving him to sort out that entire, massive buffet by himself was a little mean, and he really should let him know he wasn't really crippled, before he did something ridiculous like actually treating him like bed-ridden royalty. 

He was already putting up with the most despised 'fillet-de-burn-your-freaking-mouth-off' for him (at least he was pretty sure that was the cause of his gag and the aroma of spice). Prompto could practically hear the silent rant now- having been audience to it enough times to have the whole thing memorised by heart (and if the prince-turned-servant kitcheneer wasn't so busy trying to be a good boyfriend right now, he was certain he'd be hearing it again). 

"I swear this thing should be outlawed in every civilised nation. If there's a way for me to be able to ban this thing, I'm going to find it. I'll have it banned for crimes against the royal nose- and pallet. I mean weirder things have happened right? My great-uncle-something managed to ban fishing once for about two years... heathen." Prompto had a sneaking suspicion the only reason Noct even had such intense feelings over the dish was because of the hysterics of laughter it sent him into with every increasingly over-dramatic rant, but it was just as hilarious to think that he was so genuinely offended and betrayed by this particular food that he just let him be. 

A sudden bang against the kitchen cabinets jolted him back to the present. How on Eos had he managed to forget an entire kitchen cabinet, to the point of trying to put his knee through it? He sighed inwardly- fondly- at the well-meaning escapades. This idiot. There was a reason Ignis normally took care of this stuff.

Alright, he guessed he better get up and... Was that his favourite chocobo mug?

Oh wait... oh no... no... He'd gone nose blind with the spices, he completely missed the scent of-... He better not have! He-! Prompto's eyes grew wide. 

He was desecrating his favourite chocobo mug! 

Not the fact he was drinking from it, no (although that would've made him sulk a little while since it'd be out of his own use for a while). Noct had the gall... The sheer, blatant blasphemy, and disregard for all things holy... to put coffee in his favourite chocobo mug. 

The injustice. How could he?! There was a reason it was known as the greatest cocoa mug ever- and Noctis had just defiled it. 

"Ahah!" said prince declared, oblivious to the sacrilege he had just committed, having finally, successfully, managed to figure out how to start the microwave. "Just you sit your lazy ass back on that couch, and I'll have this sorted in no time." He gloated, unaware of the sudden sniper's glare he got aimed at the back of his head. 

First, he contaminated poor Cocobo the Chocobo- and now he calls him lazy?!!! After whose bright idea put him in the cast to begin with???? Oh, that was it! Prompto could get petty as anything when he wanted to be, and now he was well and truly done for. Noct wanted to treat him like a bed bound princess? Fine. He was going to milk every last bit of this situation for everything it was worth!! Noct was going to wish he was grounded for the depth of servitude he was going to suddenly find himself enslaved into. If it was a lazy ass Noct wanted, a lazy ass was what he was going to get. 

Time to teach the age-old adage of being careful what you wish for- with a side of 'don't come between a boy and his chocobo mug'. He was going to add it to his rules of the house 'Don't you dare taint Cocobo the Chocobo’. 

He opened his mouth to initiate his revenge- try to request something without arousing suspicion, when Noct suddenly came over (borderline mind-reading) and blinded him with a wall of blue light. Suddenly, his limbs were heavier, and harder to move. What on Eos had he-? Blinking a few times, it took him a moment to realise... He had, in fact, been swaddled in a blanket... The softest blanket he'd ever had the pleasure of encountering, as it happened- and Noct seemingly taking immense joy in tucking him in as tight as was physically possible. 

Well, hah!! Jokes on him- this was perfect! No arms only made it all the more easier to become even more insufferable! 

He just smiled brightly and let Noct tuck him in to his heart's content. The usual lazybones in this situation snickering the entire time, before pulling back to observe his work.  
"You look like a little Promrito." He chuckled. Prompto wrinkled his nose. "Purrito? Burriprom? Burripto?" Noct speculated, scratching his head and mirroring Prompto's growing winces as his attempts got worse and worse- his brows furrowed in an attempt to come up with the perfect wordplay.  
"Pleb roll." Prompto interrupted smugly, before he got a headache from thinking too hard. Noct's frown disappearing into an expression of mild mischief (with a 'just so' amount of insufferable).  
"Naa, you'd be cinnamon for sure." He purred, smugly, before turning back to the kitchen. 

That smooth little-. Forget misuse of magic, he was reporting him for assault! His delicate heart couldn't take this- it was weak! He couldn't handle compliflirts!!! He couldn't even hide under the blanket he was tucked in so tight- instead he was forced to smother his face into the nearest couch cushion. Noct was so lucky he was already getting revenge- he couldn't just say those things unannounced!!... The immensely satisfied laughter emanating from the other side of the room wasn't helping the matter. 

Thankfully, a tumbling clatter and a muttered, sharp curse soon after silenced it. That's right- get back to your kitchen capers!! He sulked, finally peeling his face away from the couch. The nerve of some royalty. It was ridiculous!! 

Focus, Prompto, focus- you're meant to be the one embarrassing him remember! Now then, what was the next step in slowly turning Noct into his own personal, little perfect slave- without letting him to catch on. He was serious-face deep in thinking when he suddenly found himself nose to rice with the most glorious vision to ever grace his eyes. 

He had to have stolen this one from Ignis... Six, it was like porn on a plate. 

He spent so long drooling over the dish, he almost missed the spoon trying to smoosh itself past his awe-dropped lips. Thankfully, his autopilot had enough basic caveman instinct to devour anything presented to him on a literal silver platter... and he just melted into the couch. It was just obscene how good Ignis' cooking was. 

Freaking Ignis... He'd never complain about the man again, for as long as he lived. 

"Noct, I'm sorry- but I'm afraid I must hereby pledge my body and spirit to the almighty chef overlord Ignis. His curries are just too powerful- it’s a religious experience- I'm enlightened-..." Noct generously ignored the apparent casual treason, in favour of catching a stray drip of curry juice- that would've been difficult to get out of the blanket (or so he's been told).  
"Hey- how do you know I didn't make it?" He questioned. Prompto coming down from his food high just long enough to give him 'a look'.  
"I saw you once try to cook a full pot of pure curry powder, and nothing but that... and your solution was to add more powder." He deadpanned. Noct reddened behind the ears.  
"I only know how to add boiled water to cup noodles, okay." He mumbled, in his own, quiet defence. Prompto snorted.  
"Dude- pretty sure even boiled water would've been a better solution than more powder." He laughed. Noct swiftly stuffed his mouth full, effectively deadening any and all further discussions of that particular conversation. 

When Prompto was done treating the meal as if it was giving him a full body massage, he wasted exactly no time opening up to meet Noct's next spoon like a ravenous choco-chick. The next bite far more like the snapping jaws of a seadevil than a bird, almost leaving Noct fearful for his fingers- and when Noct finally pulled the plate away, he finally went full on midgardsomr. Snapping after it from his blanket prison like the enraged snakes they saw from the documentaries. 

Noct quickly took his temporary, chuckling leave- placating him with a soft:  
"Relax- don't want to ruin your appetite just yet." The blond staring after him with dagger eyes, like nothing short of a dish from the gods themselves would be able to replace his precious curry. Luckily, Noct knew the exactly how to get an instant change of heart. Turning with proper poise, and a dish balancing on one hand- the way he saw servers at the gala carry them- he let Prompto see the menu's next item. 

It was like magic the speed at which Prompto could do a complete one-eighty. He was, once again, starry eyed as tamd kitten. Rib steaks. Always a winner for dorky, blond photographers everywhere. 

Noct just about managed to catch his mouth dropping open with just the right timing to say.  
"I know- you love me... Maybe enough to win back your loyalty from those bewitching curries?" He teased, wryly. Prompto's mouth clamped shut, ears red, but he taunted his way through the embarrassment.  
"Sorry dude, I'd sell my soul for one of those curries... and I'm pretty sure Ignis made this one too." He reminded him, eyes still shooting hearts at the plate of meaty treats.  
"Well, if you're that much of a sell out over a basic meal (Prompto snorted hard), maybe I should learn how to cook." He suggested, in false sulk. This got Prompto's teasing mode firing up. If he hadn't been an immobile slug, he would've crossed his smug, little arms.  
"Preeetty sure you already tried that one. Right, powder pot?" Noct put on his best 'prince face' (Prompto called it his customer service smile) and prayed his ears didn't flush again. "For the very same reason if I remember right." Prompto continued airily, as if Noct wasn't just a few steps away from being able to exit his apartment, and leave him an angry, wriggling couch worm for the next few hours.  
"I can always just..." He reminded him, moving the delectably steaming plate back as though to put it back in the armiger. Prompto stuttered.  
"No. No n- n-nooo please- look at me- I'm just a lil, hungry cinnamon roll." He pouted, in his best cutesy face. It was so ridiculously extra and dopey, it somehow looped right back around to being adorable. 

Noct put on a show of making a dramatic sigh before relenting.  
"Alright, I guess I shouldn't let you starve." He sighed, eye roll somehow finding a way to be both fond and exaggerated- the little hissed 'yesss' that Prompto let out more than worth the dramatics. He knelt down and went to feed his needy little bird once again. 

The blond was loving every second of this. Breakfast in bed, handfed godly food, wrapped up tight in the softest blanket that he was pretty sure was woven out of clouds, with Noct's warm smile gracing him every now and then... He didn't even need to go to heaven to know what he'd see in the afterlife. This right here was exactly it. This... was bliss. He didn't know whether he was a genius, or Noct was a sap, but his plan could not be going smoother... and he wasn't even having to lift a finger to do it! Lazy revenge- the best revenge. 

Time to kick it into the next gear. 

"Hey Noct, could you get me a drink." He requested... and whether it was it was mood, or Prompto's lack of useable arms, Noct didn't protest- not even a word of teasing. Silently acquiescing with all the grace of his advisor- who probably would've felt the need to clean his glasses, seeing Noct so easily obedient. Prompto waited until he was almost back to add:  
"Do you have a straw?" Noct blinked... and immediately pulled one out of the armiger. Why, or how, he put one in there, he was pretty sure the gods themselves didn't know. Cheat. Still, it did rather hit the spot... but he wasn't done yet.  
"Do you think you could put something on the tv?" He suggested. Noct shrugging, with a casual "sure." Prompto smiled brightly- innocently devilish, as he replied: "Just leave it on what I was watching last time." 

The prince's fingers froze over the remote, as he saw what was highlighted in his most recent history.

Happy Chocobo Adventure Time.

This was pure evil.

It was eye bleedingly bright, saccharine sweet, with most absurdly catchy songs, and tunes that stuck in your head for hours afterwards. 

It was Prompto's favourite comfort show- drenched in nostalgia. Noctis absolutely hated it- complaining of the theme song's stubborn refusal to leave his head weeks after indulging him in a single episode. 

How much do you love me? Prompto teased silently to himself, revelling in Noct's inner turmoil, and actually... in no small part genuinely touched when he pressed play without even so much as a groan... Even though it had to be hurting him to press that play button. 

Prompto's chocobo filled little heart might have just cooed. 

See, this is why he couldn't really be 'the revenge guy'. He was smoothed over too easily... with a pat on his head, and ruffle of his feathers. He just couldn't stay mad. Not that he wasn't still going to milk every last ounce of pleasure out of this situation, but come on. Noct was willing to put his sanity on the line and ruin his peaceful silences for the next two months with insufferable chocobo jingles. That was love right there. 

Mayybe, he could forgive the mug- so long as he washed it later. He'd had so much more planned- so many more bites and sips of food and drink at the most inconvenient points possible- pampering, cleaning, he might've even gone so far as to request a foot massage. 

But no... as Noct squeezed in behind his little blanket burrito, still reaching over to bring a mouthful, and his drink, over to his mouth- without even being asked... He couldn't quite bring it in him to hold his grudge. 

It was all too easy to just let himself get carried away in this little blanket heaven. Noct's steady, tender presence radiating warmth and comfort at his back- the soft weight of a single arm resting over his side, grounding him in the moment- the almost imperceptible rise and fall of his chest swaying him slightly, like the gentlest cradle, as the bright, cheerful sounds of his childhood danced mutedly across the air. Every one a throwback to better moments in bleaker times that still managed to wrap him up nostalgia’s warm embrace. Nostalgia was the memory of the heart, after all... and here, sharing its precious past with its most treasured present... There wasn't anything else he'd rather have his heart felt. 

It was warmth, it was delight, and it was all he could've wanted. 

It was him, and it was Noct. 

It was them. 

The Prince, and his very petty Pauper.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompto: bwahaha just you wait- I'm going to make you care for me so hard!!  
> Noct, wholesome boi, just trying to be a good boyfriend: *just does it and genuinely enjoys it*  
> Prompto: No wait, you weren't supposed to do that
> 
> also Noct unknowingly this entire fic: jokes on you, I'm into that s***
> 
> The amount of times I wanted to make these boys curse, I swear they just bring out the worst in me *w* I'm an innocent bean!!!
> 
> The original ending was going to have Prompto getting up to grab cookies when Noct has to leave to take a phone call (probably Ignis) after being run ragged by "my poor leg, I can't do anything, help me Noct" Prom and coming back to see him *standing there* mid cookie completely innocent. He just stands there, complimenting the cookie, before going to dip it in his... favourite... chocobo... mug... Karma.
> 
> Still would've been fun, but the soft bois just took the fic and said NO- MINE!! and I just couldn't not go along with it it was so cute- you can kinda see throughout the fic where I was kinda writing down my own thoughts of nooo- revenge plot- get this thing back on track... okay I give in- too cute
> 
> soft bois for the win!!! Hope you enjoyed 
> 
> (also made as a gift for the actual most awesomest, brilliantest writer out there- lub uuuu *U* )


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